How to NOT be ADDICTED to your phone

Smartphones are the most prominent technological advancement of our generation. Thirty years ago, they were nowhere, now they’re ubiquitous. Most people don’t even have a landline anymore because their cell phone is perpetually at hand. We all know why -  smartphone functionality is unparalleled. Waiting for a bus? Check your email. Kids are unruly in a doctor’s appointment? Put on a show. Dating troubles? Just start swiping through the millions of potentials. Celebrity news? Sports highlights? Politics? All right there. Organize your life, track your period, log your fitness, count your calories - there’s an app for that. Shopping? With a couple of clicks, the contents of your cart will be delivered to your door in a matter of days. Bored? Just unlock that little screen and there are endless games to waste minutes, hours, days, or more. Smartphones, true to their name, can do just about anything. However, with all this functionality, they’ve also caused some novel problems, specifically, that sometimes we enjoy our devices a little too much.

Our brains are hardwired to be attracted to flickering lights. Just walk through any campsite at night and you’ll find people everywhere sitting around a campfire mesmerized by the dancing flames. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they don’t, but all eyes are glued to the flickering light. This is half the reason television became so popular - glowing boxes of color became the source of family entertainment for hours every evening and the focal point of every living room. The internet, along with smartphones, made screens (and their associated content) more accessible and personalized, but those same flickering lights are still just as irresistible for our eyes. Like the campfire of ages past, we can’t look away. That’s the root of smartphone addiction. We’re like moths fluttering around a lightbulb. Before long, a week has gone by, and although we’ve achieved three gold stars on every level of Angry Birds, a part of our life is gone. With nothing of substance to show for it. Exercise, meeting friends face to face, hobbies, the great outdoors, employment, and even personal hygiene can fall by the wayside when our phones are in our face. 

Social media has taken FOMO (fear of missing out) to a whole new level. If we don’t regularly review our “feed”, we might miss what’s happening with our favorite celebrities, sports team, or royalty. God forbid we don’t experience half a chuckle at the latest viral cat video. Our phones have become our most prominent connection with the world, surpassing physical interactions with actual people. 

Children are especially susceptible to spending too much time on screens. It’s simply a lot easier to stream Baby Shark a hundred times than take them to the park. The age at which children get their first phone is steadily declining, partly because many parents feel the need to be able to contact them at any time. I mean, what if something happens to them?! Unfortunately, children are missing out on opportunities to develop important life skills, like basic navigation, asking for help, or entertaining themselves.

With that in mind, here are a few hints to keep your relationship with your phone from becoming unhealthy. 

1. Don’t sleep beside it. There’s growing evidence that the blue light from screens can mess up our circadian rhythm (i.e. sleep-wake cycle), even in “night mode”. Instead, buy an alarm clock instead and park your phone far away from your bedroom. Having a single, central charging station in the house, where all phones must live, can help the whole family get on board. Kids especially shouldn’t have any screens in their bedrooms. There’s just too much nasty stuff on the internet they could get sucked into. And very few children have the motivation to read a book or play outside if there’s a screen available. 

2. Don’t bring it to the table. Next time you’re in a restaurant, look around at the people waiting for their meals - more often than not they’re on their phones. So much for that hot date. And yet, throughout the history of all humanity, we’ve done the bulk of our social interaction over food. Meal times are sacred, because eating together builds relationships. Not having anything to do at a restaurant forces conversation. Despite the constant message that technology connects us, when phones are at the table, they separate us. 

3. No games. We’ve all been there, playing Candy Crush or whatever for days on end. Time flies when you’re racking up Achievements or slicing fruit in half. But all those phone games don't make you a better person, nor do they make the world a better place. They just sap your time. Delete them all.

4. No social media apps. Hey, I get it. This is how we stay in touch with… well… people who we probably don’t need to stay in touch with anymore. But if it’s really important, use your laptop for Facebooking, SnapChatting, Instagramming, and all those others. You don’t need to check your high school bestie’s latest post while sitting in the bathroom. Before long, someone’s knocking on the door and twenty minutes are gone. We’d be a lot better off with a lot less time on social media. So at the very least, get them off your phone.

5. No video streaming apps. Youtube, Netflix, etc. If you want to watch videos, stream them on a proper screen. Like a TV. You never know, someone might even join you! 

6. “Do Not Disturb” from 10:00 till 7:00. This isn’t a big deal if you follow #1, but if somehow your phone finds its way to your nightstand, shut it up till morning. “But what if it’s an emergency?” Come on. How many middle-of-the-night emergency texts or calls have you gotten in the last year? Even when the sound’s off, the buzz of the vibration and the screen lighting up can mess up your sleep. And it’s hard for anyone not to glance over when we know there’s a notification waiting for us.

7. Don’t use it in an audience. This suggestion isn’t for your benefit, it’s for everyone else around you. Ever tried to watch your niece's ballet performance when two rows ahead there’s someone texting? It’s the flashy light thing again - impossible to look away. So, in church, use a paper Bible not your phone to follow along with the pastor. Movie theaters… ugh… come on - that’s just plain rude. And are those concert videos ever worth watching the next day? So, turn the sound off and leave it in your purse/pocket. The people around you will appreciate it.

8. Don’t use it while driving. This is dangerous. Even at slow speeds, your eyes simply can’t do two things at one. Please keep it out of sight while you’re in the driver’s seat. Use hands-free technology (like Bluetooth) to make calls, or give it to your passenger to look up directions, answer texts, post that pic, or whatever else can’t wait till you get home. 

Phone addiction is a thing. Try going without it for a whole day. Like, actually power it off. If the experience causes stress, anxiety, irritability, or a low mood, there might be a problem. Even just suggesting a prolonged break can be enough for a phone addict to get snappy.

Those darned little screens, with all their uber-functional apps, are ruining our sleep, relationships, and mental health. You wouldn’t believe how many patients I see for De Quervain’s tenosynovitis (a.k.a. Texter’s Thumb). There’s no question that smartphones are here to stay - after all, they’re useful as all heck - but let’s make sure we own them, not the other way around.

© D. B. Ryen Incorporated, February 2024.